True Confessions

They say that confession is good for the soul. Well, my soul is in need of some good, so I’d like to confess. I figure I need to get some things off my chest so I can rest easier at night. I am truly sorry for these things and I hope you won’t think lesser of me for knowing that I did them.First of all, when I was a pre-teen I broke my dad’s nice wire cutters. My dad always told me to use the “proper tools for the job” and this time I didn’t.  I was in a hurry and grabbed the wire cutters to use as pliers and the handle broke. The worst part was, that I then laid the wire cutters on the edge of his work bench, like they were not broken, just teetering on the edge, so that any slight jostle would send them to the floor, and they would then appear to break in the fall.And when I was younger I used to manipulate my brothers and sister by telling them untrue stories. In order to speed up my older brother, so he would do more of our chores (and I would do less) I would say that “Mom said whoever gets done first, gets a candy bar.” And my older brother would believe me. Sometimes….Yes, those little lies come out so easy. When my daughters were very, very young, an old Beatle’s song was playing on the radio. “Is that you singing, Daddy?” my daughter asked. I am ashamed to tell you what I said.Of course there is more. Like the time in my freshman English class in high school. The assignment was to write a short story about a character we knew. For some reason, I copied word for word, an article about an unforgettable character right out of Mad Magazine. The satirical theme about the writer’s uncle, who actually put socks on before his shoes. I got an “A” and the teacher read it to the class.When my classmates tried to point out that I was definitely not talented enough to write something so humorous my teacher defended me. I sat red faced, wondering whatever would possess me to do something so stupid. For some unknown reason, I was the only student in that class to read Mad Magazine and no one ever knew. Until now.I’ve reformed somewhat. Although now days I just do things like shutting off my computer before I’ve backed all the way out of windows. But the upside is, with all my experiences in lying, deceit, plagiarism and covert actions, I’m prepared for a political career.Now I feel better.