El Nino, I Think Not!

What is it with the weather? All the flooding, snowstorms, too warm, too cold, tornadoes, mudslides, earthquakes, volcanoes, ocean tides and missing doughnut holes? (Oops, that’s what happened at the bakery this morning)Well, they tell us, it is that El Nino, or extra big, extra warm body of water out in the ocean. And, they tell us, there is the opposite, the extra cold, small body of water called the La Nina. (Maybe I’ve got that wrong, but I’ve heard of La Ninas. They cause things to go right maybe?)But, what I want to know, is what causes the El Nino? It’s like the CNN guys go, “This terrible disaster is caused by El Nino,” and everyone nods and says, what a terrible thing, this El Nino, and then they tell us how unfounded the latest accusations against our president are.However, did you notice, that no one explains El Nino? I mean, they just accept the fact that it is wreaking havoc all across our ecosystem and we just say, “Well, that’s El Nino,” and shrug our shoulders.What I want to do, naturally, is incorporate this El Nino excuse into my work life. “Totally Paul, why did you miss your deadline?” I can say, “El Nino, isn’t it terrible?” and then my publisher says, “Oh, OK, yeah, terrible, I hope it’s better next year.”Or, I could use it at work. “Why has your department produced the least, while costing the most of all the other departments?” my boss will ask. “Well,” I’ll say, as I adjust the flip chart, “It’s that darn El Nino again.” And then the boss will say, “Well, if it’s out of your control, document it and I’ll sign it and send it up.”Sure, boss, give you credit for El Nino.??But, if I start doing that, you can see what will happen. Oh the bakery just called. They gave three less doughnut holes because of El Nino. And I guess President Clinton is on TV. He is saying. “Look, it wasn’t me behaving that way, its just that darn El Nino! You’ve got to believe me, I wanted to (fill in excuse here) but that darn old El Nino got me every time.??Why, we might elect him for another term.