Short Shelf

I’m not hard to get along with, just ask me. But, when it comes to how things are put away, there has to be a logical explanation. I mean, we can’t just willy nilly throw things into just any space we want, or we’d have something that looks like my refrigerator (or as its called in my home, the fridge).You would think, after watching all those TV commercials about how the best models feature adjustable shelves, people would know that there are differences between shelves for a reason. Are you listening, America? There are reasons for those short shelves and reasons for the tall shelves, and those reasons are all those little snazzy Tupperware things, jars, cartons and bottles crammed into a refrigerator.Now, just in case my wife and kids are reading this, let me explain, one more time.The tall stuff goes on the tall shelf, and the short stuff goes on the short shelf. The stuff we’re going to use right away goes in front, and the stuff we’re saving until we throw it out goes in the back, just in front of the stuff we’re too embarrassed for company to know we’ve got in there.The heavy things should be up higher and the lighter things down lower, so its easier to lift in and out. We’re not setting ourselves up for a hernia, that way. The stuff that could spill should have a lid tightly fastened, the stuff that could stink should be wrapped up in plastic wrap and the stuff we really don’t want but are too lazy to throw away and wash the container should be thrown out and the container washed.Okay? Now, please, don’t open another giant size ketchup bottle when we’ve already got one laying down sideways on a short medium shelf without a cap, leaking on that heavy bowl of shrimp and noodle salad on the bottom shelf on top of the egg carton (leaking eggs I might add) without a cover and starting to make the house smell like a fishery.And couldn’t someone (besides me) wipe out the spilled milk from under the crisper in the bottom? You know that drawer that’s supposed to be filled with crisp celery, carrots and lettuce, but only holds that molded grapefruit somebody gave us last Christmas, 9 shriveled apples that even the squirrels won’t eat and that bag of moldy oranges or onions or dinner rolls.And please, don’t lay any more milk cartons sideways on the short bottom shelves, they go on the top tall shelves. That place full of almost empty pickle, olive and jelly jars.And when will we throw out the rest of your cousin’s homemade applebutter? It’s been here since her last visit when even she wouldn’t eat it.Oh, and please stop putting those extra large pizza boxes in here on top of everything else. You never eat the pizza anyway and it’s keeping the door from closing all the way.Anyway, I would clean it all out and organize it, but what’s the point? Eventually the junkfood ends up within easy reach, while the healthy food gets further away. And to be honest, I kind of like it that way.

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